'He is the same like God'
|`Once the paragon of authority and power, the IAS officer is now portrayed as a semi-illiterate person who can't write a sensible English paragraph but still gets sent off to rule over the masses.'|
THE other day I received by e-mail one of those Internet jokes that constantly do the rounds, particularly among expatriate Indians, whose appetite for desi humour, usually self-deprecating, knows no bounds. It purported to be an essay written by a Bihari candidate at the Union Public Service Commission (UPSC) examinations for the Indian Administrative Service. The sender quoted what was allegedly the candidate's essay on the subject of "the Indian cow", which, for the benefit of those fortunate enough not to be assailed daily by the Internet, I reproduce below almost in full:
"He is the cow. The cow is a successful animal. Also he is four footed. And because he is female, he give milks, but will do so when he is got child. He is same like-God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards. His whole body can be utilised for use. More so the milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement. Horses do not have any such attachment. What can it do? Various ghee, butter, cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth. Also he is useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally."
"His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species. Also his other motion (gobar) is much useful to trees, plants as well as for making flat cakes like Pizza, in hand, and drying in the sun. Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding after eating.... His only attacking and defending organ is the horns, specially so when he is got child. This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapons to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great velocity forwards."
"He has got tails also, situated in the backyard, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the other end of the other side. This is done to frighten away the flies which alight on his body whereupon he gives hit with it....''
It goes on for a few sentences more in similar vein, and then the e-mailer added the following footnote: "We are reliably informed that the candidate passed the exam and is now an IAS officer somewhere in Bihar.''
Now let's put aside the obvious implausibilities of this story the unlikelihood of an IAS exam paper being posted on the Web, the even greater unlikelihood that the IAS would ask its examinees to write an essay on the cow and consider the sneering that lies behind it. The anonymous candidate is, of course, supposed to be from Bihar, which over the last couple of decades has become a sort of national symbol for corruption, venality and incompetence in Indian governance, at least amongst the urban Anglophone classes. (This phenomenon has, of course, accelerated since the ascent of unprincipled rusticity to high office in that State, as embodied in the person of Shri Laloo Prasad Yadav.) Worse still, the e-mail claims the howler-laden essay actually got its author into the IAS. This is startling, because it suggests that the stock of that institution, once considered the home of the best and the brightest in our society, has fallen lower than any of us could have imagined, at least in the eyes of our nouveau-riche computer-owning yuppies and their NRI friends. In the old days, the IAS officer was the paragon of authority and power, the prospective bridegroom who commanded the highest price on the marriage market. Today, as multinationals and dot-coms (and better still, multinational dot-coms) reward their executives with riches and perks a mere sarkari babu can only dream of, the once-august IAS man can even be portrayed as a semi-illiterate dehati who can't write a sensible English paragraph but still gets sent off to rule over the masses, at least in Bihar.
Of course I may be making far too much of a silly Internet joke, but I wonder what its wide circulation (I have received it from at least three different people) does reveal about the way our society is changing. I once wrote elsewhere about the insidious divisions being promoted between "India" and "Bharat" between a slice of our country that is seen as cosmopolitan, liberal, Anglophone, technologically-savvy and secular, and the undifferentiated rest that is thought of as traditional, casteist, superstition-ridden, backward and vernacular. It worries me that, in this era of greater communication, complete interdependence and the levelling influence of mass television, the gulf of empathy between the "Indians" and the Bharatvasis seems to be widening rather than shrinking. There is probably room here for more serious sociological enquiry than I am capable of. I hope it is undertaken by someone in Bihar.
But I don't want to leave the subject of classroom howlers before making the defensively feeble observation that Biharis, or for that matter Indians, are not their only perpetrators. Prof. Anders Henriksson, an American professor of history (at the not particularly well-known Shepherd College in West Virginia) has compiled a volume he has titled Non Campus Mentis, a collection of egregious errors taken word for word from term papers and exams conducted at American and Canadian colleges. His chronicle runs from such prehistorical periods as "the Stoned Age" to the more contemporary dramas of "the Berlin Mall". In his account, Julius Caesar is assassinated on "the Yikes of March" and bursts out while dying, "Me too, Brutus!"
In the student essays the good professor has trawled, there are knowing references to "Judyism" as a "monolithic" religion (whose adherents, in a contemporary computer-age error, worship the god "Yahoo"). Columbus' benefactors, Ferdinand and Isbaella, conquer not Grenada but "Granola" the name of an American breakfast cereal. Martin Luther King Jr. (the student even left out the surname "King", confusing the Black American Nobel winner with the 15th Century German Protestant reformer) makes a historic "If I Had a Hammer" speech (the title of a pop song King had, in reality, famously declared, "I Have a Dream"). Hitler is depicted as terrorising his enemies with his feared "Gespacho", a conflation of the Spanish soup, or gazpacho, with the dreaded Gestapo. Kennedy resolves the "Canadian Missile Crisis", not the Cuban. And so on.
Ignorance, in other words, knows no boundaries. Not even national ones. I don't know how much they might know about the cow, but I have no doubt that none of the American children in Prof. Hendriksson's book would have got into the IAS.
Shashi Tharoor is the author of the new novel Riot. Visit him at www.shashitharoor.com
Cow is a domestic female animal from which we get nutritious milk and variety of dairy products. In Hinduism, cow has various religious significance and worshipped by the Hindu people in India.
Essay on Cow
Cow is a very famous and important domestic animal. It is known as the “Cow is our Mother” in India. Kids are generally assigned to write essay on cow in their classroom or exams. So, various types of cow essay are provided here in different words limit for your school going kids and children. You can select anyone of these:
Cow Essay 1 (100 words)
Cow is our mother. It is a most important domestic animal. It gives us a very healthy and nutritious food called milk. It is a pet animal and many people keep her in their houses for many purposes. It is not a wild animal and found in many parts of the world. Everyone gives respect to the cow like a mother. Cow is worshiped in India as a goddess from the ancient time. People in India brings her at home as a dhan Lakshmi. Cow is considered as the holiest animal among all the animals. It is found in many varieties differentiating in the shape, size, colour, etc.
Cow Essay 2 (150 words)
Cow is very useful animal and gives us milk. Milk is considered as the complete and nutritious food. Cow is a domestic and religious animal. In India, it is ritual and custom to worship Cow. Cow’s milk is used in the pooja, abhisek and other holy purposes. Cow is called by everyone as “Gau Mata” to give her mother like status in the Hindu religion. It has a large body, four legs, one long tail, two horns, two ear, two eyes, one big nose, one big mouth and one head. It is found in almost every regions of the country.
It is found in different shapes and sizes. Cow found in our country become small however big cows are found in other countries. We should take good care of the cow and give her goods quality of food and clean water. She eats green grasses, food, grains, hay and other things. First she chews the food well and slowly and swallows to her stomach. Her back is long and wide.
Cow Essay 3 (200 words)
Cow is a domestic and very successful animal. It is of great importance for the people of Hindu religion. It is a most important pet animal kept by almost all people of Hindu religion. It is female animal who gives us milk daily two times, in the morning and evening. Some cow gives milk three times a day according to their diet and capacity. Cow is considered by the Hindu people as a mother and called as the Gau Mata. Hindu people respect cow very much and do worship. Cow milk is offered to God during pooja and katha. It is also used to do abhishek of the God and Goddess statue during festivals and pooja.
Cow milk is given high status in the society as it is very beneficial to us. She gives birth to a small calf after 12 months. She does not give any practice to her child to walk or run, he/she starts walking and running just after the birth. Her calf drinks her milk for some days or months and starts eating food like her. Cow is a very sacred animal for all Hindus. It is a big domestic animal having four legs, a tail, two ear, two eyes, one nose, one mouth, one head and a wide back.
Cow Essay 4 (250 words)
In India, people of Hindu religion denotes cow as “cow is our mother”. It is very useful and domestic animal. It is gives us milk, a very healthy, nutritious and complete food. It is found in almost every countries of the world. Cow’s milk is very healthy, nutritious and useful for all members of the family. We drink cow’s milk on daily basis to keep our health good. It is told by the doctors to patients to drink cow milk. It is considered that cow milk is good, healthy and easily digestible food for the newly born babies. It is very gentle animal by nature. It has a large body, four legs, one long tail, two horns, two ears, one mouth, one big nose and one head.
Cows differ in its shapes, sizes and colours. She eats food, grains, green grasses, fodder and other eatable things. Generally, she is used to of grazing green grasses in the fields. Cow milk is used all over the world to prepare several eatable items and things. We can make curd, dahi, whey, cheese, ghee, butter, various types of sweets, khoya, paneer and so many things from the cow milk. Cow milk is easily digestible and can be eaten by the patients with digestive disorders. Cow milk makes us strong and healthy. It prevents us from various types of infections and diseases. It helps in increasing our immunity power. Cow milk makes our mind sharp and memory strong if we drink regularly.
Cow Essay 5 (300 words)
Cow is like a mother for us as it gives us milk two times a day. It cares us and nourishes us through its healthy and nutritious milk. It is found in almost every regions of the world. Almost everyone keeps cow at home to get fresh and healthy milk daily. It is very important and useful domestic animal. Cow is a pet animal whom every product (like milk, ghee, dahi, co-dung and Gau-mutra) is considered as sacred and useful. Co-dung is very useful for the plants, human beings and other purposes. It is considered as sacred and used during many pooja and katha in Hindu religion. She is generally used of grazing the green grass filed instead of eating at one place. Gau mutra is very useful for getting rid of many diseases.
She eats green grasses, grains, foods, hay, fodder and other things. She chews her food well in the mouth and then swallows. She has one pair of big horn as a defence organ while saving her child or own. Sometime she attacks on the people by making her horns parallel to the ground. She gives birth to a nice calf after nourishing him for 12 months in her womb. She gives birth to a strong ox or fertile female cow who again starts giving milk after few years. Hindu people use ox for ploughing the fields, drawing carts and pulling heavy loads in many households. Ox is considered as the real wealth for the farmers as they help in field works.
We always respect cow and be very kind to her. Cow murder is considered as very big sin in the Hindu religion. In many countries cow slaughtering has been banned. Indian people worship the cow and use its products at many holy occasions. Its cow-dung is used as a very good fertilizer in the fields to enhance the fertility level for better growth of seasonal crops. After death, the cow skin is used to make leather things like shoes, bags, purse, etc and bones to make comb, buttons, knife handles, etc.
Cow Essay 6 (400 words)
Cow is a very useful pet animal. It is a successful domestic animal kept by people at home for many purposes. It is a four footed female animal having a large body, two horns, two eyes, two ears, one nose, one mouth, one head, a big back and stomach. She eats large amount of food in one time. She gives us milk to make us healthy and strong. It keeps us away from the diseases and infections by increasing our immunity power. She is a sacred animal and worshipped in India like a Goddess. She has been given a status of Mother in the Hindu society and called as “Gau Mata”.
It is a very famous milk giving animal useful for many purposes. In Hindu religion, it is considered as Gau Dan is the biggest Dan in the world. Cow is a sacred animal to Hindus. Cow gives us lots of benefit all through her life and even after her death. She gives us milk, calf (either female cow or male cow ox), co-dung, gau-mutra while living and lots of leather and strong bones after death. So, we can say that her whole body is useful to us. We can get lots of products from the milk given by her like ghee, cream, butter, curd, dahi, whey, condensed milk, variety of sweets, etc. Her co-dung and urine is highly useful to the farmers for making natural fertilizer for plants, trees, crops, etc.
She eats green grasses, foods, grains, hay and other eatable things. She uses her one pair of strong and tight horns to attack on the people as a defence organ to save her child. She also uses her tail sometime to attack. She has long hairs on the tip of her tail. She also has small hair on her body and uses them frighten away the flies. She has highly helped in the human lives for years in many ways. She has been reason of our healthy lives from more than thousands of years. The origin of cow on the earth for nourishing the human lives has a great history behind. We all should know her importance and necessity in our lives and respect her forever. We should never hurt cows and give them proper food and water timely. Cow differs in its colour, size and shape from region to region. Some cows are small, big, white, black and some are of mixed colour.